/ BLOG / Dear lazy-web
Usually I hate reading about this sort of stuff; inane ramblings on someone’s personal life telling the world about how fucked up they are, how upset they are and shit like that. I call it myspace-ism. But you know what? Fuck it. It’s my ‘blog and I want to vent.
When you break up with your girl friend, who is also your best friend, who the hell are you supposed to talk to? I’ve never really been much of an open person, and it takes me a long time to get used to people and “accept them”, and even longer until I decide it’s right to whine at them without feeling like I have to apologise every 30 seconds.
As a result I’ve spent the last few weeks feeling sorry for myself. During the week it’s not so bad as I can pile all my concentration onto work and stuff, but out of hours what the hell am I supposed to do? I’ve tidied up, made a dent in a few projects, watched every episode of House MD at least twice, every episode of Scrubs up until the first episode of season 6 nearly three times, almost every DVD I’ve got and a fair few others. You get the idea.
Now what? I’ve got a load of projects to finish, but as of this morning I just can’t concentrate on them. What makes it worse is that I don’t feel like I can tell her that I feel so screwed and so alone as she seems to be OK… I think… I don’t expect her to be sat at home and feeling sorry for herself, as I really do still love her and if it makes her happier not being together then I want that, but I don’t think I can deal with knowing she’s just carrying on with her life. Is that wrong? Probably. Then again I don’t think I could deal with her not telling me about her day, how something annoyed her, etc.. I still want to be her best friend and I still want to be a part of her life because she’s a cool person.
I’ve never been in this set of circumstances before. What the fuck I am supposed to do?